Flawed and faraway from perfection

hmmm. Am i a useless person? maybe i must gone through lots of things so that i can become smarter. Why am i so easily get bully? why cant i be like a heartless and evil person? i jus hope i can be like Rui en. She gone through so much things and can withstand being alone. Why must ppl understand before knowing wat they have done? Should i be a emo and quiet person instead of the last time, that is always a happy and cheerful one? but i just cant laugh out like last tym. why guys are so heartless? if only i am heartless, i wont be hurt at all. this lesson told me that i shall not be too naive or innocent that love is everlasting or forever.. i must be smarter and diligent in all ways. i really cant stand my stupidity and how naive i am. God please tell me what to do? i dun wan to regret all the time! Just hated being like that!