haha

everything is back to normal again. Didn't go for the pulau ubin camp. Because, all i can say. i'm timid. scare of some things, so stupid leh! Ownself scare ownself! think too much! hahaha! glad to be back smiling. played and went out everyday.
but is gonna be different after my holiday, because is attachment soon. today i'm so well-behaved. i clean my room, did lots of housework. hehe. Bought a new facial wash. aiya! forgot buy cotton for the toner de! haha. tonight gonna brush up. clean my face till very clean and also do some sit-ups.
downloaded new songs. SHE new songs. =) 锁住时间, 可爱万岁. the others haven listen. heather!! i know you will want the song!! hahaha! =P gotta cherish my last week of holiday!! going crazy and have fun yeah! hehe. and also slim down cum make my facial! =P

Appearing nonchalant from the outside, but its doesn't tell how much i'm worrying and fearing now. Is it six sense? or is it an illusion? intuition tells that something is happening. is it the camp or other things. my dad is going operation just on that day of camp itself. i didn't told much ppl. i'm fearful and scare. so i read my bible in the night. but i still cant sleep well. my brain was ticking and thinking, wondering and guessing. searching for answers. in the web, read some incident happened at pulau ubin. is quite a dangerous place at night. cos there's not much light around. worrying and hoping for them. i think i will be going till evening then i go home. i prayed the whole night, i hope the whole night. praying that nothing would happen. praying for joey and darren to have a good sleep. asking God to bless them. i had always learn something when i'm facing difficulties and problems. when problem comes, first you gotta face it, accept it and then solve it. Panicking and worrying doesn't help at all. it just make it all worst. so i always tell myself to stay calm, keep trying and never give up. So do i want my friends to have this way of thinking too. =) Standing here and guiding them. like how HIM guide me. i'm thankful.

People can say lots without uttering anything meaningful.
A small act of a random kindness each day, making ur day much meaningful.
seeing and making people happy, and looking forward for each day.
now i understand...
sometimes i see ppl from the outside and reflect on myself..
telling myself i won't be like that for making a dislike.
Sometime ppl gotta went through it, or understand it before saying out..
there's always weak point on everyone. trying to make allowances for, so that i can understand well enough.
everything HIM do, because HIM loves you. =)
thankful for everything i had been through. getting to understand and realize something each day, i'm falling. i stand up and got stronger. a process of life.

6year friendship

Ytd we went celebrating our 6 years anniversary of Sistership! yeah~ june19. i went to Gym with heat, gg, and fang. GG and fang never go gym before. Sua Gu leh! hahaha. so funny. we try mostly all the machine at the gym. then after all the sweat, we decided to weigh our weight. HAHAHA! i'm the lightest! yeah~ Then when while walking to bbal court, they three was deciding on eating! wah piang. finish exercising jiu think of eating. haha. but i'm not hungry actually. then when reached bbal court, i shoot some balls. Then finally they finish deciding le. and that would be Sakae Sushi. then we went back home to bath and change. then after 30mins. meet again to causeway. Rushing and chiong to the place. and finally there's place for us. then chiong ar! grab as many as sushi that we want as possible. Like hungry Ghost like that. abit mountain tortoise leh. haha. then we were crazing take photo before and after eating. We took about 100plus of photos! faint~ We kept laughing and eating. I'm the first to be full. after i ate 5plates. i am scare of it already! eeeee~ then kept drinking green tea. around 10 cups in total. my favorite drink leh! so fun and happy! played DDR. and then went back to slack at the bbal court till 11.30. We were sending songs and singing song there. crazily i'm doing stupid faces with the songs~ singing the loudest of cos. and duh! police came down to screen us. hahaha. then after screening he ask us to lower down our music. so lame. i seems so long since we gather out so late. cool~ hahas. happy happy~ let picture say the happiness.

i was wondering and wondering. if i give tests about my personality and character, i guess there won't be much passes. haha. unless ppl are observant enough.
but let me tell it all out bah.
I'm a very observant and curious person. Who look on small details and rmb things easily. like, if i go to ur hse, if I'm familiar enough. i tend to rmb and hear on what you like, what ur family like, for E.g. eating or drinking, etc. i observe ppl behavior, character, so that i can understand them well. i can see ppl easily if they are sad or had something in their heart. even they felt being accused. i love to care about people's feelings. i always think before i want to say anything. think very far ahead.
I'm very over-reacting when i treat something seriously. even a single message will make me think until very far and wild. i listen and treat everything seriously on. especially with my closest friends.
I'm a happy-Go-Lucky person. I tend to forget the sorrows and hurtful things easily. i don't get angry easily unless it really provoke me. i love to smile and laugh alot. even a lamest thing can make laugh till my jaws are out wide. because i love happiness. i love to give happiness to others, just to let them smile.
I'm a perfectionist. i want to do everything in perfect and sweet. i put alot of effort in everything. if i want anything, i must get it. especially my accessories and clothes.
I'm a easy-going person. people climb up my head, i also dun mind. I'm steady if you ask me out. but depends on my mood I'm in. if I'm emo or sad, I'll be lifeless. but it gets me up from friend's words of concern. can say I'm abit attention seeker. Just to want someone to care for me bah.
i spend money very fast. once i had the the amount of money. i can spend it in a day just to pamper and have fun. I'm not stingy with money. i love to share if i have the ability to. i rmb things that ppl wants it, or points out. then when i have the money, I'll buy for that person, just to see that person smile.
I love to cherish and treasure. if ppl give me things, I'll keep until the thing rot already, i will still keep. haha!
i love to care and concern for ppl i love. like my sisters, my brothers and close friends. i'll do everything they want me to do. like downloading songs, cooking food for them, buying things i can afford. just to let them smile. =)
there's still more. let me think le then continue bah. gtg for gym le. =) btw my stomach have a nice figure. wee.. training in progress. haha.

today went pulau ubin to do some research for the coming st john camp with darren and yazid. Seriously is SUXS!! All i see mosquitoes and ants! haha. went on boat, sea wind blowing, it calm me up. Didn't ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner the whole day. only water and some rambutan at the tree. Was cycling the whole morning around pulau ubin. and now i have muscle cramp all over!! haha. tml going for gym and bbal with my sisters! long tym nv play with them le. haha. they all become fat, i become slim. i lost 3kg in total and my tummy is extremely flat now. my appetite had gone small too. thanks to her and my fears. but dunno when she will be okay with me again. hmmm. nvm. i won't give up on concerning and loving her as a sister as a buddy. =) no worries. now i know you well le. hope you are happy. =)

tired and exhausted

I am tired of trying to explain and tell you! I'm tired of asking ppl to explain to you! Even a passer-byer or my friends can understand. but why cant you? Please, u didn't seriously want to listen or read my message.. you avoid me, afraid me, i don't mind. i just dun like the feeling of being misunderstood! especially as a LESBIAN! i have character that who always look and care on small details, just to understand and care for you! is a big responsibility to see you happy everyday, to see you alright. AS A SISTER!!!! why? SISTER cant worry for sister? sister cant hug sister? sister cant supervise a sister? i know you dislike me interfering ur privacy. but because i am a curious and an over-reacting person, i will think very far ahead and worry very much easily. this tells that you nv try to understand me. i had always wanted a SISTER since young! and I'm lack of sisters' love! because i am kind of lonely in this country!! NOT LIKE YOU, i have no relatives or cousin or even a boyfriend here. that's why i treasure and cherish Friends Especially SISTERS seriously! that's Why i worry so much easily! Because I'm scare to lose you all!!! i am scare to be alone living in this world. And I want to tell you that although my actions was abit over reacted that day, i never mean to scare you.. you might think i look like a LESBIAN to you. Please. if You didn't know what really happen before that day, please don't judge me just like that! i think there's no point to explain to YOU anymore. all i need is TRUST. Because you never went through what i'm going and suffering, you won't understand how i felt that day. so scare that you will leave me. And the truth is I'm having nightmares that ppl are dying in front of me. and they gave their last word to me. It reminds me of my late aunt who died of liver cancer. That's y I'm so fearful that day and this whole week.. I'm shivering every night and hiding my sorrows inside me.. crying and tired. i almost want to give up.. tired of fearing alone. i want to shout out, but there's wasn't much listener that seriously understand ESPECIALLY the MOST closest big sister!!! who misunderstood me!!! do you know how disappointing and hurt i am?

reflected

After all i have hear and listened, i think that maybe I'm taking things to seriously. Taking a small matter that's so little, that i could think until so big. nobody will want to hear the genuine side of things or seriousness of it. i dunno that it will all turn the other way round. being over concern isit wrong? being a person who's so terrified due to some problems i had. and dunno why isit like that. having nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night and shiver.. so cold and lost. with no one to go to when i was going through so horribly. i am just sorry to scare u that day. is really not the way i wanted myself to be. my imagination gone wild and fearful, that's y i am like that. IF YOU WERE ME, in a darkness, so fearful ,and ur best friends didn't treated it seriously that u are really fearing. how would u feel? and when you wanted to explain and tell them whats wrong. and the person ignores u? my dad is going for an operation next month. and I'm scare because.. i felt the same way as my aunt died of liver cancer. i noe i cant decide fate. but it is causing me to fear all the time. I'm shivering and fearing that i will lose my loved ones one by one. i just hopes you can understand.. all i wanted is to treasure and cherish friends. especially sisters! but eventually, i'm okay now. i think u just need time. and i'm having mood swing because i'm having menses, stomach cramp! actually want to msg you for medicine. but i guessed that i had to bear with it. painful~~ i'm so weak now. hopes everything will be the same again.

lifeless

you never try to understand me, you never knew what i am going through. So didn't know how i was feeling. you also didn't give me a chance to explain, and the misunderstanding goes like this. i will not give up being a close friend with you, i am not the same like those who are with you before. because i can stand longer and more patient than a normal ppl. If you know my character well enough, you won't get so afraid of me. nvm. i leave you by alone now. but hopefully you would understand me someday if u Seriously read my message or blogging. as i am telling it all out from the bottom of my heart. i'm lost and lifeless now. there's just no goals for me to start on. i'm confused. Thinking of giving up life. no ones know how fearful i am for this whole week, because you never gone through before at all. when i needed someone to help me, why isn't there anyone who can seriously try to help me. No one... especially my loved one. all i needed is trust. trust and show understanding and sympathy for me.

sorry~

i miss the happy days with you. Especially the craziness we had, the moments we both were so close together, drinking bubble tea, buying waffle, playing DDR, shooting basketball, you singing songs loudly when listening mp3 in bus, on ur bed chit chat and gossiping, doing funny actions, tickling and playing together, laughing at ppl and ourselves. this two nights, two whole day let me realize how important to me as closest sister.



What really hurts me is that your closest friend turns sour and cold to you.. is like thousands & thousands of needles piercing through your heart. And I'm shivering with fear all by alone. Wanted to explain clearly and saying a millions sorry to her..

想了一整个晚上，思考了，原来我是一个，一直都在吵她，打扰到她的生活，没有给她自己的空间， 自作主张的人。
原来太过的担心，会令人那么的反感的。
I'm over reacting, complacent and stubborn.
I have always thought of giving up, but when i suddenly thought of her, i just have the strength to carry on again. Because i salute her life, i respect her allot, wholeheartedly just want to stay beside her as a sister. Although sometimes she's very fierce, and often had mood swings. i still want to stand beside her with no complains at all. having much more patient than other people, Always tell myself that if there's ties or misunderstanding between us, so that we won't have cold wars or quarreling.
But now, its not because of that, is because of MYSELF!!
i didn't know that my actions had left you no space of privacy. I'm so over worried that had lead my thoughts goes far beyond the line. I guess i was just over reacting, just being too over imaginative. didn't understand you well enough. because this is the first time i really see you being so Bad mood.
But while i was waiting alone, i pray down to the bottom of my heart, Asking God where are you? Hoping that you are alright. My mind was thinking and worrying all the time. i was so fearful being so alone, ppl were staring at me, i'm panicking to find you. then i burst out in to tears. crying and crying, shivering and felt so cold at the stairs. starving and gastric comes again. i didn't ate breakfast, lunch and dinner, just a waffle while waiting. i almost feel like fainting cos i cried too much, headache. But when you came up, the moment you ignore me, and turns cold.. my heart suddenly stops and shake with fear for that moment. i wanted to cry out loud and ask whats wrong? why are you like this to me? because of You, i can wait wholeheartedly just to see you safe back home. Is just a nature reaction to worry for you. But because of my character, i'm always thinking more far ahead, thinking of the worst. i can tell you that not to say hours, even it takes days to wait, i will still do the same. being so patient waiting with not a single complains.
But while i was messaging you, i really was crying, crying and shivering at the same time. so cold and windy. till i realize i was having fever and gastric. i wanted to tell that, i'm seriously felt so unwell, almost wanted to faint.. cos its so hurting.. insomnia for that night, tired and thinking the whole night till the next day i was so lifeless and had no energy at all. had no appetite and kept writing and drawing on my dairy.. i had lost 2kg for just two days. haven got proper meal at all. I'm tired.. and i'm really felt so sorry..

holidays~

yeah~ is holiday!!! haha. ytd went to Siao eh's hse. followed her and her ahma to hair saloon. haha. she highlighted her hair then her ahma perm hair. hehe. so cute leh! both faces were very cute! that retarded Siao eh keep making faces, make me laugh! then horx, after she dye finished her hair, got some aunties keep asking that am i her smaller sister? hahahah! she look more older when she dye her hair!! Cao-Lao!! HAHA! one more thing happen at the saloon! stupid loh! got one auntie asked if my hair tail is fake anot? piang oi! mine is real de leh! not extend de leh! then that joey laugh and laugh! zzzz. i angry ar i tell you! hehe! Then evening went to orchard. hehe. played arcade and bought some ear studs. weee. saw the guys at arcade, after their buffet dinner. haha. playing around and making joey! she blushed again! so cute la! then went back around 10 plus. cool! is gonna be fun during the holidays! hehe. that siao eh wan me make over. ask me buy lady clothes! i look fat wearing that! hahaha.

currently is exam week! haha. stress and explosion of head has come! needa go for a brainwash! hahaha! =P but is fun! going for revision and still can have fun! i'm serious when i get the seriousness coming! haha. but there's also a need for de-stressing! by playing DDR! hahaha. and of cos by crazing and laughing! =) post again when is all finish! but i gonna cherish the last day being in class! =) treasure the last moments to be with all my friends! =) yeah!