tired and exhausted

I am tired of trying to explain and tell you! I'm tired of asking ppl to explain to you! Even a passer-byer or my friends can understand. but why cant you? Please, u didn't seriously want to listen or read my message.. you avoid me, afraid me, i don't mind. i just dun like the feeling of being misunderstood! especially as a LESBIAN! i have character that who always look and care on small details, just to understand and care for you! is a big responsibility to see you happy everyday, to see you alright. AS A SISTER!!!! why? SISTER cant worry for sister? sister cant hug sister? sister cant supervise a sister? i know you dislike me interfering ur privacy. but because i am a curious and an over-reacting person, i will think very far ahead and worry very much easily. this tells that you nv try to understand me. i had always wanted a SISTER since young! and I'm lack of sisters' love! because i am kind of lonely in this country!! NOT LIKE YOU, i have no relatives or cousin or even a boyfriend here. that's why i treasure and cherish Friends Especially SISTERS seriously! that's Why i worry so much easily! Because I'm scare to lose you all!!! i am scare to be alone living in this world. And I want to tell you that although my actions was abit over reacted that day, i never mean to scare you.. you might think i look like a LESBIAN to you. Please. if You didn't know what really happen before that day, please don't judge me just like that! i think there's no point to explain to YOU anymore. all i need is TRUST. Because you never went through what i'm going and suffering, you won't understand how i felt that day. so scare that you will leave me. And the truth is I'm having nightmares that ppl are dying in front of me. and they gave their last word to me. It reminds me of my late aunt who died of liver cancer. That's y I'm so fearful that day and this whole week.. I'm shivering every night and hiding my sorrows inside me.. crying and tired. i almost want to give up.. tired of fearing alone. i want to shout out, but there's wasn't much listener that seriously understand ESPECIALLY the MOST closest big sister!!! who misunderstood me!!! do you know how disappointing and hurt i am?