Walking alone, listening to music and breathe fresh air just makes me better now. If only i'm out in the coast, blowing the sea wind with the song playing 'Whataya want from me'. cool~ yay. i think i found a part time job, but i gotta ask how many ppl they need. then all can together work ma! money money money! Oops. someone b'day is coming!! =) hahaha! gotta save money liao wor~~ she old liao! 19!! hahaha! i'm still having sweet 18! hehe. the rest still haven even 18 yet! hahahaha! they cant watch M18! =P nanny nanny poo poo~~ =D

pissed?

Wah. i dun feel like quarreling with u. Just kept quiet for the sake of keeping quiet. Excuse me. Is you attitude first hor. Do you know you have been changing? i just kept quiet since that day.. Becos if i seriously told you all your bad points, i scare you cant take it. Is not me who only said that you have changed. You have also changed to be a more stubborn one.

Did i force you to work there in the first place? you told me you work there for fun! It is the blame on me? For the otherwise, she isn't working for fun! She works to earn a living for her family. You have a great mum who provides for you, you have a home that have less burden than her. Do you know how to compare which is more important? I told you to study too. I told you to think about you future? Am i not caring enough? You always treats peoples' words as nothing. You have the choice to study Private diploma. Does she even have a chance? Do you know you have been a self centered one? You cant see yourself, so you never thought what you have done. You chose to work here, and of cos tired and irritated will comes. But do you know how to control? I've worked 12 hours work before, but did i scold bad words and gave attitude on you? you know i worked night shift before right? did you did something for me instead of me doing something for you?

YES. i dote her more than you. But why must you compare in the first place? if you compare, i also got the whole list of comparison with me. Because she protected and love me as a Big sister! that's it. You doesnt see what she does for me. even she speaks nothing, i also knows how she felt. Thankful! you?

delighted~ =)

Yesterday my mouth had a big wide curve all the way. afternoon meet fang and gg to bugis to find ah heat and joey~ When Joey told me she requested for going back early, i was super delighted. And so she went to find me, gg and fang. Together walk walk till 5 plus like that, we went separated ways first.

My sua gu joey and me went to Iluma arcade there. She first tym went to the big big arcade on top. hahaha! so funny and cute la! won alot of tickets eh~ hmmm. next tym come here gotta win more. so can exchange something! =) After playing arcade, went to meet fang and gg for dinner with joey also. me and joey ate chicken rice, fang and gg ate yong tao foo~ haha! After that huifang went to meet qiuhui first and so we continued eating and gossiping at the same time! so funny loh! i see geraldine and joey talk~ looking at them. Abit ah dai~ =P

After that, gg went home alone. Abit guilty to see her go home alone. :(
then IS TIME FOR SISTERS REUNION~ =) We both walk so happily laughing with our arms hooked together. lalalalala~ I super miss her loh! finally can talk to her face to face without any ppl disturbing. Cos everytime i went to her shop there to find her, the aunty, and the boss always make me have only less than 10 mins of conversation. =.= zzzz! always not enough to talk de leh! hahaha! Then ytd we went to slack and eat and drink at toa payoh till 10 plus~ =) hehe! One stupid thing is that! A guy saw us hooking our arms together and thought we are lesbian! hahahaha! then after the guy walk till very far, i told joey that, 'Aiya, should had show that guy our signatured sisters moves~ Saying we are TWINS sisters!!! =D'. hahahaha! imagine we both scream the word 'sisters' so loud and our both hand with a twist on our face! hahahah! kinda retarded! Alot ppl looked at us! cos Joey shouted till very loud! =D btw i also find that guy abit traditional, hook hand also think lesbian, then short woman his mother loh, then got beard the guys his father loh. same logic! stupid guy. hahaha

hmmmm. after sending her to her bus stop, i went back home with a great memory but a sad emotion when she board the bus. Thinking that when will this happy day come again? She text me once she was sitting in bus. Also told me that the next off-day, she asked me to wear the same high waist shorts with her and take alot of pictures! =) hehe! i'm so pending for that day off she gonna have. =) Love her lots! hmmmm. as for heather, i was kinda angry with her ytd! =.= Msg her, called her never even reply! still msg joey why she late end! wah. sux~ waste down my effort for worrying for her while huifang was waiting for her, and asking me if she ended already anot. nothing to say.

reflecting

Went out ytd to find big jie jie JOEY! and small pui pui heather~ with Geraldine at bugis street. Ytd went to ATTC open house. And bought MAC for joey, and gg bought long john for heat. super missed joey~~ ytd night kept thinking alot of worst things while ah heat was sleeping like a pig beside me. Was thinking what if she wasn't close to me anymore? then tears dropped so suddenly. And i pray to lord. Pray that she will have less burden and problem. Also had a stupid bad dream today! Friends leaving me and i'm left alone. Cant give up to lose anymore close friends.

Also i thought about my future... As the previous post i said that i'm so super helpless to support them. Now I'm thinking that, i should work hard to earn lots of money. get one higher cert that has a higher pay! Then i can bring them go shopping whenever they like, then can buy a car and drive them to work or study?? then earn more more money sponsor them to study if they still want to. i wont spoil this dream, i wont spoil this determination i'm striving for. i'm not born to be living selfishly alone like everyone is. Since God gave me this big heart, i must as well make full use of it. Seeing and observing people being selfish makes me felt sorry for them. asking what are they really living for? Wasting on meaningless time that just make themselves to be satisfied for their own comfort and greediness.

It means alot to take away peoples' problems to myself. Others who just care for themselves and telling me not to be a busybody. wah. sux loh! i dislike this kind of person! so selfish~ but nevermind as long as every small effort and things i did was in my heart, i'm very contented already. I promise that i will make you have a better life my dear friend. no worries~

i miss you.

I suddenly felt so left out, phone is so silent. lonely and so locked up at home. i dunno why i cried when i went back home after sending heather to work and giving joey her favourite fried rice that i cooked. When i walked off, i bear my tears for that moment. Asking myself why am i so useless? Why am i not rich to support them? i dun wan them to suffer those tiredness and the pay is so little.

Till when i took the train, i burst into tears. really cant bear to walk home alone. Like losing two best friends. Plenty of ppl looking at me! stoopid! luckily i got tissue to wipe my mucus.

ytd i asked joey why she wanna work, she replied, 'Bobian.i want money leh.den can treat you movies and food.like you always does.' When i kept thinking about this msg, i felt so touched, cos this msg shows me her gratitude to me. But i never want anything in return.

Normally spent time with heather everyday most of time, slacking, playing and eating. now.... once a week...

I really miss the time.. i really miss.. when there wasn't this money problem around. only once a week to see them, only once a week to spend time with them, only this one day i can treasure around. felt so lost and lonely now.

happiness outside and anger inside

Ytd went to seoul garden with Jo-nee, heat-nee and geraldi-nee. Our ladies night! woohoo~ =D And i'm called suzan-nee! Do you know why behind all got nee?? hahaha! We wore dress together and.... My nee nee (breast) looks the biggest and is damn outstanding to look at! till they all envy me and kept looking at my nee nee! omg! hahahah! faint! whole day we all was like so pervert! hahaha! especially when i jump around! =P So happy eating and playing around! Took plenty of photos.

After all the enjoyment have ended, things wasn't going well. nothing to say. tired is all i can say. hate being at home. Just hope i could run away with alot of money! haha! hmmm. nvm bah. 21 i'm fully free. Just gotta patiently wait. chiong go to pub, clubbing, chalet, ton, and enjoy! hmmm. today early morning purposely go out of house at 6.30 am to go out to heather's hse. Only slept one hour. actually dun wanna sleep de, but behind my eyes very hot and heaty. so rest awhile. Hmmm. At heat hse slept awhile again with gg and heat, then used com to chat with Jo-nee! =) Ate youtiao and maggie with pepsi~

Last two days drank breezer, fang and heat tried the taste and the first word they say is eeeek. hahaha! tml gonna start work le, so excited? cos i wont get to be at home all the time le. yeah!

weee! so happy!

Today went for a briefing and interview at eastlink with JOEY, heather and geraldine. once again~ four of us go out together. so happy! =) if only jianhui, huifang, qiuhui was here? wah! SUPER HAPPY+++ ah? but one suay things is~~ i come that one! hahas! faint~

Luckily still can walk~ took alot of pictures and crazy around tampines! woots! Hope tml can play kite! hehehe~

hehe!

Woots! finally got my vans shoe! red~! Yeah! =P hmmm. ohya, ytd i went out with dine dine, heat, joey and gerald! =) so happy! hehehe! if only all six was here!

hmmm. now i'm back to zero again. gotta find jobs again. penniless liao~ sian. i still gotta clear 2 more person's debt! wah! faint! hoping that my dad will give me allowance next week. faster clear debt! hahas.

And hope i could save up some money for joey's birthday, although it still one month plus long. argh~ and of cos chiong to buy new year clothes! woots!

Just a period of time.

Knowing that once a friend have gone to a new environment, everything changes...

I really dont want this day to happen. Is it really moving on? But i really trust between something call BFF (Best friends Forever).

Once time passed,
Closeness will slowly fades.. Contact will lessen.. even sharing won't stand a chance. You will have new friends, got close with them, got busier when time goes by? How about an old friend of yours?

I just cant stand to see this happen. You know i rather wish to take my initiative everyday to visit each and one of my best to share along. No matter how tired it is, i dun wan the word 'awkward' between us. Even it takes once a month to meet, i will use my whole energy to go down and say a hi.

Just wanna let u know, i'm a faithful friend. And unless i had memory sickness, i will never forget you. Each and every wonderful memories that are unforgotten. That's how i treasure my friendship. The trust, the secrets, the moments, the craziness...

I never wanted any paybacks, i never wanted to miss you, because i want you to remember me as a best friend.

I was out with alot people this few days. Finally i get to treat others with my own money, have satisfied of my own principle. Finally i can got the chance to go out everyday, not because i love spending money. Because i had a better atmosphere to breathe on and to observe people outside more. The meaning of spending my life.

Money cant stay with you forever, but memories can be bought up forever.

Day by day has past!

Oops! i forgot to msg dine dine abt the bbal. Cos i thought it was raining, so didnt know she's still going down. haha! =P
Slept at 3am today! Was msging ah pui Joey till 2plus then she went to sleep first. And so i played Ds, while waiting with my mum for my brother and dad to come home from hospital. Stupid brother overdose the flu medicine with orange juices! Then heartbeat become faster and had a hard tym breathing, shocked my mum! Yawn~ Anyway, i also not so worried. Yes i am a heartless freak to guys. YIPPEE!


Ltr gotta spray my shelf, drawing on the wall i weekend then draw bah. SO Freaking sian! Ltr 5 meeting ah heat to fetch her uncle then see what we can do ltr loh. Tml then meet ahpui Joey! She die die dun want me find her! zzzzzz! hahas. Maybe i too irritating, a super glue to her! hahaha! So today i super glue stick with ah heat loh. But i think for awhile bah. She gotta be back home early! HAIS~~ It's been long since we gotta play bbal till late night.

these two days

Was out with aunty joey, to find work, window shopping, eat, slack, giggle, facebooking, slacking at my hse, playing. Super missed her for those three days that didn't meet her. =P She really makes a smile on my face with no words out. Super love her! My best big sis in the whole wide universe! :)

As for small sis, Ah heat! Was out with her for those three days. =) Got a small surprise letter from her. =) so alike like me~ =X

Before this happened, i realised that I'm not the old me. After that continuous headache i'm going through everyday. Something is really different than i used to be. My mind seriously freak out! Cant get to sleep! Horrible thinking's, horrible dreams, that changes my mood and thinking towards ppl. I felt so lost. dunno how to explain. history had start again.

Just felt that, my mum was right.
The evil side can control me. Even a small church service i had promise to HIM i will go, also cant get to attend. Gave empty promise to HIM again.
I felt like running away. But i cant face whom i make HIM disappointed in me. Just felt F useless and lifeless. sorry.

i really dun wanna said it out, but in the meantime, i just dun wanna make u all worry. I'm turning into someone who's not really me. alot of vulgar and vengeful thinking in me. I'm so stress up that i cant get rid of IT. pardon me.