Knew everything wont go well if starting was ok. fcuk. realy dun feel like living here. if someone can just bring me to another country how great it is. To melbourne to new york. i try so hard to walk independently. going out alone is better than staying at that fcuking hse. seems like being protective is better to save myself. wtf.

guys are cheaters! are bluffers! suddenly thought of the past i felt fcuking stupid. fcuking idiot. seems like a clown. seems like i'm so fcuking weak. i will never start anything when what i know will happen afterall. i want to learn how gamble, learn how to play stock, learn how to earn money to fly away. it doesnt matter i'm going the right side or wrong one. i dun care how heartless i will become. since u bought me up, this will be what i will become. i hate a family and i will nv start one.

in the end by asking or by pouring out, it got worst. worst to the extend that, i'm feeling breathless. i'm a human and i also got feeling. why isit ppl get piss and angry easily and ignore the person and why i cant do it? isit great to stay in the middle being pressurize all the time? isit easy that u gotta satisfy all together cause u are so stuck becos u felt so stress up. isit great if u to reject a guy everytime when they confess to u that they like u. is always a lie. a lie that wants to get the person hearts and jus fades and dump it off. they treat so damn good for that woooing then wtf at the end. everyone's always has its hidden true color.

I learnt to become more realistic? i learn that everytime others misunderstood what u wanna say. jus let it be. becos afterall, if u feel whats really true is still yourself to believe. i had gt a new aim, a new perspective towards my life. Afterall, is still myself to choose what i really wants and moving with with great actions. i'm thankful. becos i had got such great friends. hmmm. i suddenly felt that i'm trying hard to grow up. thinking how childish i was.

trying to change, trying to independent.

was really hoping i just could just change a new environment for further studies.. i wan a chance to go. hope S.T will give it all out. felt that running away can jus forget everything.

step one to build day.

Morning gt some anger and disagreement with the shop. so i f care anyway. Today went out alone for the whole afternoon, took MC, walked quite alot places and late evening went to meet joey awhile. hmmm. kinda awkward but still got to laugh awhile. After that, rush to Plaza sing to meet someone for movie and dinner. So funny. its really damn Hilarious! thanks alot to two person* recently.

When i was alone outside, i felt the breeze and felt so lucky to see the beautiful warm scenery. actually Monday i was also kinda shocked for myself that i walked alone at orchard. And still i bought Starbucks for my buddy. She's really the best buddy ever. although i only know her for a month. haha. Although i nv got to a laugh like last tym, but still felt so peace whenever i'm calm.

seems like, i had grown to become more independent, and learnt alot of values in this typical life. Moved on and forget abt what had past recently. although I'm still feeling so empty. but its still not bad to be out alone. maybe i should get a camera. and maybe i should start saving up to go oversea and have a look of the outside. travelling is great. =)

i gotta change my outfit, sometimes i felt so retarded cos I'm already 19 and yet I'm still wearing this same old attire. having a goal in me now. i wanna be someone useful and not the one who's always so stagnant. Finally i got a new job that has a bright future. Step one to achieve.

terrified is how i felt now. Its like nailing someones' heart and can nv be mend anymore. it just felt so sad whenever you are going well happily to someone else and i'm not the one who can makes you happy. instead had bought so much anger and tiredness to you.

how i ever wanted to mend everything back. but it nv gonna be the same. becos those who had a hole will still rmb. And predict the way i used to be.

nw i had problems at work, had no one who's willing to listen my burdens anymore. not single msg. not a single care from someone. aching so hard every night.