Why?

Seems so hard, seems so tired . Why god? Maybe I'm not worth to be a good friend. Sometimes I wondered, why must there be so many ppl in the world with different character and thinking. I wished I had learnt so much, wished I never was borned. I'm starting to hate bday. I dunno why. Why there's harmonious and unharmonious energy in this world. What makes me turn to be like this, I tried not to think unconciously, I tried to apologize to whoever I had disappointed. But why lord? Do I look more like a monster, a idiot? Why there is jealousy? You made me to be and have a kind heart but why? Everyone always take things for granted. I'm not happy at all. Is so fake so exhausted. Why Isit so unfair to me? I tried to become selfish, I tried very hard to turn bad but I can't do it, why I always thought others instead of myself. Isit a weakness or gain? Why I'm so coward to face all this? Why I'm so different as others, that I'm always left aside at one corner. I don't wana to be like those in the show, I don't wanna to get so tempered and I don't mean it, but why can't they don't understand me. U say live for yourself, other people will have it's own life, but i dun wan a family, I hate it alot.