My minds go crazy

Its been ages since i blog, today it wont be an anger post. Realise whenever im angry then i said those words that harm feelings. Afterall thats how i vent my anger if not i will suffocate for my problems.

Feeling so lost nw. I knw there isnt any free lunch in this world, thats why we need to go through hardship to suffer. But i seriously dunno what im good at, being unrecognise and being aim all the time. It makes me wonder why i decide everything in regret. When im studying, i wanna work badly. But when im at work, i felt studying is way better.

Confuse for my life. Sighhhh.

Saw those memories pictures and videos we had, i was thinking why cant you just forget abt the past. Am i really so meaningless to you? Am i really so bad for the mistake i did? Known each other for so long and chose to ignore me. For everything i did, for everything i support, for everything i stay beside you, am i really a worthless friend who cant be placed in ur heart.

I cried so many times, asking why? Dreamt that you have forgiven me, but yet, when i text u, i ignore me. So hurted that i place no position at all. When you are down i was there for u. Care and worried. But why i get the opposite? Am i like the same as ur friends who only says and giving care by words? Am i lile those friends that will borrow money from u and nt returning? Am i those friend who backstab u and badmouth u?

You might say is all i deserve it, becos u didnt ask me to. Becos u placed a portion in ny heart, thats what i do for a friend.

Starting to felt so tired. Whatever i did, its never been notice. Is like i only did one wrong decision, the judge is forever bad. Is liked i owed the whole world. I wonder why? So many two headed person in this fucking world? Why cant be just a normal person being yourself?
I apologised and i gave in for the sake of friendship. But why? You still being so
Fuck up abt me?

I did so much for you, you never fucking appreciate me! I spend how much i can to make you happy, to go out and happy. I sacrifice so much of effort, you never fucking appreciate. You lied to me, i didnt even confront, didnt even get angry over a night.

Why isit so unfair? Is it wat i get when i treat someone good? Ppl said i overlimit, said i stupid, but no one understand how i felt.

WHY ME?! _|_

Why it is so hard for me to pour out. Why isit so unfair? I did care for others feelings but why am i being treated like a prisoner? What must i do to make it right? You tell me. I never had a chance to explain, i never had a chance to be forgiven. Why? Why am i so tired?
Why can i only type it out? No one understands how i felt. Not a single friend no one also knew i cried! Why must i torture myself? Why am i treated like this?
All lies! Everything is lies! What do i want? Im so FUCKING confused.

为什么我做了这么多没有人看到，我只是错了那一次就被钉死。 为什么我牺牲那么多，没有人看过，没有人体会我的感受。为什么我对人好，还会怀疑我。为什么人家不高兴，我会斗他们开心。为什么我不开心，一个人影也没有。
Why no one see what i did? Why no one appreciate me? Why?

Ur goal is nw very important

First goal, car! Dun need see ppl faces and owe anyone a favor.
Braces: pretty is the everything, u have good face , u dont have to be treated like a ugly ducking. 
Save money, no fcking ppl will help you. 
Beware of ppl, dont trust anyone. 
Even how closed they will cheat u, and gossip abt u. 
Rmb u gotta survive till u are dead. No matter how i am i gonna be dead, must complete what u want it. Being good, ppl treated u like shit. Whats the point? U did so much everyone dont even see. 

Sick and tired

Whatever i have done, no one had appreciated. Whatever i stand, theres no position at all. How much u sacrifice aint enough for the good i had gave. Seems like im the stupid one giving it all. When i fall, theres nt a single friend was there for me. How pathetic i am. Scream behind the pathetic wall, keep everything inside and the next day forgotten how u are been treated and history repeats again amd again. How i wished i was in a coma, nt seeing and being treated unfairly. Lifes suxs. And i hate you. I hate everything i have. Becos im still empty in the end. No true friends, no bf who nv ran away, not a single cousin, no one was there when u are down. I rather u take away my life, im so tired. So tired to listen ppl complaining, tired of being a middle person, so tired of taking advantage, so tired of being good, so tired to pls everyone, so tired being so stupid, so tired of pretending, so tireddd.. I felt like giving up. Not a single voice, not a single calls, not a single concern. Im so fucking useless. How i envy them, how i wish i was nv born.

Fuck! Everytime i always get misunderstood. Fuck. I hate god! Why dont u jus flood whole world. Im so tired. Why always like that, never explain jiu kena assume. Why people mouth is always so evil! Ppl say i butch jus becos of my attire! Fuck. Whats the wrong with that. I have my own decision. Why people fly aeroplane at me, i nv even fucking complain? Why am i so stupid being taken for granted. Fuck. I hate u! I wanna be evil. I dun like the weak me. I must turn evil. Why people can show attitude i cant. I hate u. I hate myself! Why isit so unfair! I dun have friend like them, im nt a sociable person like them. Why ? Why u make me till like this? Im so tired. Everytime is always so unfair. Why do i have to carry all those burdens! Why im always been the middled one. Why im cant be like them. Why i cry everytime! Nt even a fucking friend knows! Why i treat ppl good, they treat me like shit? FML!

limits?

Does Friends have limits? i wondered. Is helping too much over limit, and if reached limit is there a need to become a girlfriend? if having the person and not the heart is it the same?

Gratitude and love is a different thing. don't start something that you know it will never last. if you felt so miserable then what for chase a girl. nobody take a knife pointing at you. i can say, i hate it in a way that you do something for a person end up complaining to other people. Is that call willing? if you are willing to help, help from your heart. i help so many people in my life, and i gain contentment.

Having patient is also very important. those without patient will have temper. nobody's is borned perfectly with alot of patient, but is trained in patient. an example, if a guy talk to you loudly impatiently asking you to help him pull off the wire, and a guy to you patiently with a normal voice asking you to do the same thing, which will you absorb what's is he asking you to do faster?

never owe people a favor, becos you wouldnt know one day they will use it as a weapon.