i want a better life

'When one door closes, the other opens.'

Most probably i had been relying on others that isn't meant for me. When i'm encountering problems, the first thing i ever wanna do was trying to vent out my doubts & unhappiness to my closest friends. But most likely i got was their comfort, but still there will be periods that i just ball my eyes out. Feeling that i needa vent out, i felt unfair & exhausted that i bottled up my emotions.

some said: 'The more you bottle that anger up, the more likely it is that it will explode.'

I wanna change badly, i wanna be like Demi, pretty, flawless and successful. And so i have to force myself to stay strong, to slim down, to hate food that causing me to be so ugly and fat! i hate to see myself like this. i must be determine!

And today the most turnoff things i totally cannot withstand is being with stingy guys. Speechless, with this kind of character, it's literally not my cup of tea.

Friends

Happy birthday to my best friend from northbrook sec! <3 she really is the best and kind person i ever know! Hope she had a wonderful day today. Although she's busy with her life, but when we always meet up, our close and familiar feeling nv fades! i don't feel awkward with her after so long! haha. Feel glad to be able to see her again! :)

Today i felt lonely after seeing couples by couples together, when people are in relationships, they will be in their tian mi mi world and neglecting alot of things/friends around them. Guess i was like that last time. No wonder i lost alot of friends last time. SIGH! I wanted alot of friends badly now. So that they can make my life more happier and to cover up the loneliness in my heart when im home! i can't live without FRIENDS seriously! To be able to enjoy and pass everyday to be a memorable one with friends really make me so happy. Due to some past, i don't really put in much hope on relationship till now. Just plain tired and upset.

If god gave me a chance to make more new friends and make my life more easier, i will be so much contented now! I wanna to go overseas with friends badly, i just love outing! ENVY ppl is all i can do right now.

ungrateful

Today had plenty of thoughts and guess i should probably share this here. Always wondered why couples would quarrel with over just a trival matter and the next day they are just back as normal again. Even to strong-headed person, they can throw away their pride and are able to give in during the arguement. Sigh. Poor me end up out thr alone after they left. Sadded

being honest, i can't tolerate sensitive people that will get angry without even finding the truth and ASSUME! And especially throwing tantrum on ppl who was just showing some concern. i always tell myself not to throw tantrum on people even i was really angry at that moment!! because if you dislike how people treat you that way, don't do it to others.

Thats why i can't withstand people giving faces when im talking to him/her nicely. its simply like owing people money that kinda of faces! Its a major turnoff to people like this, even how good, handsome and rich, i still detest this kind of people seriously. sometimes i felt that being so good to people is just an impression, they never know how the person got taken for granted. How she felt when people don't appreciate what she gives, how she felt when she was forgotten when she isnt a need, how she gets those unreasonable harsh words for ppl. It's like more painful than heartless.

this few weeks

This few weeks was busy with my braces, plucked 4 tooth and it was super horrible! my greatest fear was to go to the dentist when im young, can't believe that i took up the courage and plucked my teeths with no preparation~ powder-ful man! haha.

Recently my sisters and i were trying to learn the gangnam style, super epic that we video our gangnam lesson at a void-deck! with no instructor to teach us, we learned by viewing on youtube! For my 21st bday, i told everyone to learn the steps so that i can make a flashmob on my bday! So excited about it and its gonna be crazy~

It was so unexpected!

Ytd was so unexpected & totally crazy! Had to study for tdy final test and yet i was super reluctant to flip the tutorial notes. And so after my dinner at buddys cafe, i took up a challenge to play basketball just to distress myself. But found myself so grateful that im able to play full court which brings back much memories. when im home, was so weary to start revising. Because i find no companion to study with me peacefully! And so i was texting joey and she tempted me to go club~, i hesitated for quite awhile. It was super random that i posted on twitter that im going to club and dine text me that she wanna club too!

They both super cute max, wanted to club so badly but knowing that i got test end up nv ask me~ earlier! so we three went to drink some alcohol and had some rigorous jostling dance. The gangnam style was the most epic one! ^^ many thanks to them that made my day a unforgettable one. :)

Today's final test took me quite long to complete, from how i bombard my answers i think i would be able to pass bah. :P haha! So last min to absorb all my notes for like about 2hrs~. Perhaps im really a genius? no wonder ppl always say im so complancent! #swag. IM JUST GLAD THAT EXAMS ARE OVER! #freedom <3

fuming whenever i get home

At this typical moment, my temper is fucking fuming! Took away my room sofa, still sacarstic say if my friends stay overnight can slp on the floor. CB! i treat my friend like treasure, you think they are ur dogs ah! _|_ i will get my own sofa bed even if i turn broke, fucked up 'father' seriously!

whenever im piss off, the first thing i ever think of is blogging!

I suddenly felt proud that i didnt even spend a fucking money of urs to buy my things for like 8 years! i bought my own bags, shoes and clothes with my own hard-earned money! #swag If i don't vent out my frustration, i think one day i seriously will turn crazy. sometimes keeping anger in my heart is like a time bomb to me, who knows one day if i really explode i will do something impulsively.

A home that doesn't feels like a home, its like only a place that provides electricity for my laptop and fan to slp with.

Having friends as my companions when im outside makes me felt super happy and peaceful! Getting to laugh and enjoy is the my best remedy to forget my troubles. My friends are my treasures! i love them very much! :)

not a mondayblue

It's kinda great that is not a monday blue today, because i don't have to drag myself for work and sch! #SHIOK man! tuning in to #as long as you love me. Today went to play basketball in the evening! my skills weaken alot, sigh~ but it's still my favourite sport. whenever im home, i will lock myself in my room. i seldom interact with my family because that is srsly a waste of time. It makes me more piss off talking with my unreasonable parents. can say im an unfilial one? i just cant put down those hatred i had since young. But as for friends, i currently placed them first. i love to have plenty of friends because it makes me feel more secure. And of cos my best friends are the ones that makes my life more colorful and interesting!

My theory will be 'if you treat them well, you will place somewhere in their heart that makes them feel comfortable with.'

im quite an observant, i always get to understand things from how i see and learn from one's perspective. Is super fun to understand peoples' thoughts or even their expressions. The reason is because it makes me feel wary on what the person is trying to express and its like a mutual understanding. okay! its time for me to slp and forget all my vexation! #nights!

this few days

Thursday im super bad mood ttm due to my family problems again. but thanks to felicia chin who replied my twitter, im super happy and contented. And of cos a new adorable baby hamster that joey gave me. :)

Omg! although today was super fun, but when i see my bank account...i nearly faint. haha! Went to crazy like clubbing, drinking, shopping and of cos eating! The only thing im worry is my coming 21st bday. Scare that im not able to save that much amt of cash within three months. sigh. sometimes i also wonder why i wanna make it so grand. What a boring life ah!!

i seriously cant tolerate stingy 'niao' ppl! argh. not becos im a generous person, just felt super TURN-OFF for their act~! especially for GUYS!

Life is short, why not spend ur life happily? although there will be times that you will regret overspending ur budget, but still u get something more priceless than money which is happiness.

I don't wan regrets in my life, that is not able to accomplish something i wanna do when im still young. I always feel that i needa learn things through the hardway, so that i could become stronger. There is no free lunch in this world, because everyone is borned to be selfish.

the little things that makes me happy

Although i was really reluctant to go back work, but it feels great to be back interacting with them and even disturbing each other. After my work, got to have some supper and fun doing retarded stuffs. Eg: "going to lower seletar and stare at a bird to find fish to eat." before that we went to udders. The feeling of desiring to have an ice cream and you finally get to eat it, its like shiok man... aw~! haha. And of cos, i love to feel the breeze at night and driving around like nobody business! haha. :)

willpower

It simply feels great having the willpower to persevere the things i wanna finish. Thank god for giving me the strength to finish my exam today and of cos for not being exempted due to my lateness. My hardwork did paids off, maybe by stressing myself i can meet some unexpected challenges and accomplish with my limitation. i just felt much more relief and happier.

It makes me wanna do better next time, and so i will not regret. After all im just lazy, i believe i can do it with much determination!

And so my dream to UNI shall not perish. <3 Just like sis En, i shall work hard. #willpower

emptiness

Guess im just finding excuses to hide my emptiness of being alone. i wished to have a sister badly, that makes me able to listen, speak, cry, laugh and joke with. Knowing i can only treat ppl like sister to look up on as a role model.

The fact that there will be a time that my best friends will pursue their own happiness & life and will no longer be mine to fill my emptiness and sorrows.

With no kinship here, i felt depressing since young and that makes me feel that without friends im so empty and meaningless. It's so despairing whenever i think about it, feeling so unfair to face this realistic facts! And so i cannot be so selfish having the best of two world, but to lament over it.

i just hope the best for all of you and wished i once placed somewhere in your heart that you will still remember me.

For me, i guess i still have to struggle out of my shadows and accept the fact of being alone.

FML

Its sunday and i just left two more precious day. Omg! Im so tense up and pressurized. Argh! Praying hard that i can pass for the coming exam, just a pass i will be very contented. Used to have high expectation of myself scoring an A, but...im too complancent.
Felt like crying seriously, too much to absorb~ God pls give me the strength to motivate myself. At the moment, im blasting songs to keep me wide awake! Acting strong and fighting mentally & physically.

being deficient

Im so mentally exhausted and stress up till i simply cant express out the state of being deficient. Sometimes i ever wondered if i had the determination to finish my poly studies, that i just felt discouraged at times. But there's still part of me wanting to go university so much like En. sigh~ It's super demoralized to study and work at the same time! whenever i felt daunted, i blog, i sing and i dance! Ya i know its kinda imbecilic, and yeah thats me. Exam is coming nearer day by day just like a time bomb! #poof The saddest thing is that i don't even have incitation to revise. Why cant i be so hardworking like En!?!? haha.

demoralized totally

Today is national day. All alone in my own room having plenty of thoughts and an unreasonable family with sucha boring life. i wonder how people could become so successful. why am i having a fuck up life, keeping my anger without even having the courage to utter out. What is the most hurtful moment i ever felt? Being outcast and feeling like an idiot. although im always feeling lonely, but whenever i think of En, i get motivates up again. i dunno how can i be that strong and hardworking like her. Im so lazy to even start my revision that im super stressful of and felt so demoralized. everyone have their own life, and maybe is time for me to choose my own life.

伤心时，我永远都是一个人

原来在我有心事时，不管再多朋友，我还是一个人的对自己说要坚强。when i need a listener, there's no true people who wanna hear. When i had problems, i gotta solve them myself. When other ppl needed me, i tried my best to help but yet when i need them, im just rubbish aside. why i still feel so lonely and upset. 从来没人认真的听我想要说的话， 每个人自顾自己，都是自私的！我就那个大笨蛋自作自受而已。