demoralized totally

Today is national day. All alone in my own room having plenty of thoughts and an unreasonable family with sucha boring life. i wonder how people could become so successful. why am i having a fuck up life, keeping my anger without even having the courage to utter out. What is the most hurtful moment i ever felt? Being outcast and feeling like an idiot. although im always feeling lonely, but whenever i think of En, i get motivates up again. i dunno how can i be that strong and hardworking like her. Im so lazy to even start my revision that im super stressful of and felt so demoralized. everyone have their own life, and maybe is time for me to choose my own life.