thinking...

Sometimes some things are hard to understand, hard to show it all, hard to achieve the unexpected. You cant judge the person just by looking from the outside, you cant understand how their minds were thinking. And all this, makes a word comes, misunderstanding. I just simply don't like to be misunderstood, don't like being accused for nothing. although I'm a character who seems happy-go-lucky;
seems happy from the outside;
doesn't bother things that are not important; doesn't care how ppl think of me;
always think of ppl thoughts & feelings before talking or doing something, scare to hurt ppl feelings;
understand my loved sisters well enough, so that i can give them all i can;
wanting to prove to teachers that without them, i can stand on my own, & i can achieve more than u expected;
To survive my life independently; not losing out easily; trying to be a perfectionist.
These are all stress to me, because i am born to be perfectionist, i want things to be perfect in my way. But one by one, it's all causing me to fall, making me feel like giving up life, I'm trying and trying to be the best out of me. i always cool down myself before acting on some things, my brain just cant stop thinking, & understanding why is it like this. going to school is fun, but due to some ppl, I'm gonna go crazy of. seeing the ppl that i don't feel lyk seeing. Trying to be good tempered in many ways, some jealousy can be bear but it doesn't really show out. is all keeping in my heart. making me feel all stress out! i have lots of high expectation of myself. because of the environment I'm living in. sometimes i felt despair & lonely living in a country that I'm still not their ppl. still counted as a PR only. People dun realize that having relatives living in a same country is great, having cousins around, having the warm of being with a family. that's why i cherish friends more than my own family. i dote my friends more than my own family. ppl always take things for granted. Can you believe that Friends can understand me more than my family? My surrounding friends are mostly sisters, i treat them as sister, more close than real blooded sister. i had always want that, and there i have it. 6 great sisters! one bigger than me, the others smaller than me. =) I'm thankful enough to have them with my life. if not i would be lifeless! i'm struggling with my endless life. Cant stop breathing, although there are lots of barrier & obstruction coming towards me.